Titties 2009

I have worked my booty off this year, to get my pecs to pump out of my chest! You see I began this tour "flat as a pancake"! I weighed 150 pounds, and consistently stayed there! I now weigh 160 and have gained 10 pounds of muscle! I made a vow in one of my first posts on here "I saw what they are hiring"! To make my body, so much better! Me and a friend on the tour had a slogan "Titties 2009"! With that in my head, I am actually very happy with my pecs, shoulders, and arms! GOD only knows it has been a struggle for me. Some months of working out, were much better than others! Sometimes I was obsessed and would go to the gym all the time. There were also weeks, no maybe even months, when I ate cake, cookies, and said forget the gym! It is tough to maintain your body, and everyday I struggle at making it a lifestyle. Like today, I said I was going to the gym, but I'm sitting here blogging about it instead! LOL! The work has paid off, and I'm happy that I have gotten bigger! I can leave this tour with some pecs! YAY!

Now for the abs, and that takes even more discipline, cause that means I have to do more cardio, add more ab days, and eat right! UGH, it is never ending, but one day I will take a picture of my body and I will be so so so happy! I have a beautiful friend on the ACL tour, and she knows who she is! Who has a husband who has been working out for like only 6 months. She showed me a picture of his new abs. I just about passed out, AMAZING, wash board stunning, WOW and he is now my new motivation! My new slogan is "Abs 2010"! The never ending process, I guess will keep me healthy! I will keep you posted on the progress! WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

Living In The Now

To live in the now is so hard for me, and I'm learning to just take a breathe and do it! It is a constant struggle to not worry about the future! So much happens in life, be it family, friends, Brewster or just plan old me! A friend told me he is reading a book that helps you live in the now! Opps I don't remember the title of it, but listening to his conversation made me attempt to try this! I think it is a beautiful thing, to stop, take a breathe and say "Hey, are you fine right now"? "Are all your bills paid right now"? "Do you have a job right now"? "Is everything Ok right now"! WOW, did I ever relax, and realize how frivolous stressing about the future, can pay a toll on your life! This all seems so easy to do, but it is so hard for a person like me. I'm now glad I have this theory in my head, and believe me, over the past two weeks, I have used it a lot! Living in the now, whew, you should try it!

For Every Mountain!

Dear God

I want to start by giving you all of the honor, glory, and praise you deserve! For giving me strength each day, for helping me to have a "clean heart"! You are such an awesome GOD, and as I sit here with tears rolling down my face! I just want to say I Love You! I thank you for waking me up this morning, for letting me see the sunshine! For all the gifts and talents you have given me! For letting me use them in the right way! For giving me the strength to mentor to people! For every time I fall down, you are there to lift me back up! GOD I feel so unworthy of your love, no matter what I do, how I fall short sometimes,you don't care, you are always there for me! OH GOD thank you thank you thank you! Thank you GOD for giving me 34 years on this planet!!!! Thank you for this special day of birth, that I got to wake up, see it, and now enjoy it! Thank you for sending your son to die for my sins! GOD YOU ARE AN AWESOME GOD! For my health, for my sight, for everything you have blessed me with! I take nothing for granted my lord and saviour! Thanks again for my BIRTHDAY!!!!! WOW here's, to many more years together!

My Favorite Song For You God!


FOR WAKING ME UP THIS MORNING! FOR SENDING ME ON MY WAY! FOR LETTING ME SEE THE SUNSHINE OF A BRAND NEW DAY FOR JEHOVAH JIREH! YOU BEEN MY PROVIDER! SO MANY TIMES, YOU MET MY NEEDS. SO MANY TIMES YOU RESCUE ME! I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THE BLESSINGS! YOU GIVE TO ME EACH DAY! THAT'S WHY I PRAISE YOU! FOR THIS I GIVE YOU PRAISE!
FOR EVERY MOUNTAIN! YOU BROUGHT ME OVER! FOR EVERY TRIAL YOU SEE ME THROUGH! FOR ALL THE BLESSINGS! HALLELUJAH! FOR THIS I GIVE YOU PRAISE! FOR THIS I GIVE YOU PRAISE!

AMEN

My Last Richie!

I didn't want to write earlier today, but now I'm going to write a short blog entry. LOL! My mood is gone, I guess, well for now! I think I needed to write the last blog entry to get to the place that I am at now!

Tonight I went on for the role of Richie, and I'm not sure, but I think it might have been my last time on for that role, seeing as we only have 2 1/2 weeks left! Tonight, I did the role, the way I wanted to do it, and I riffed a little more than usual! Then I was trying to hide from the musical director, and by my surprise he said "Well done, you better riff, sounded amazing"! It was fun, to be able to express myself my way! I got a little emotional in the Alternative "What I did For Love" scene, and I felt my energy realize that, this was probably it. Richie has a line, that hit home more than ever. Mike says "Nothing last for ever, a show is going to close someday" Richie says "Right, and then you have to start ALL OVER AGAIN, CAUSE THE ONLY "CHORUS LINE" YOU CAN DEPEND ON IN THIS BUSINESS, IS THE ONE AT UNEMPLOYMENT!

I Don't Want To Write

Lately, I have been starting to write blog entries, then my stomach turns, and I hate the entry! I delete the whole thing, and I'm back at square one. I'm in a funky period where I don't want to write. Therefore, I will keep this entry brief. I will be back soon, I need the writing spirit to move me! There are things I have on back hold to write about, from not having Internet last week! I will get to it all, I promise! Right now I'm listening to my inner self, and I'm not going to write! See ya soon blog world! However I will be reading all of the blogs that I follow!

Personal Day Drama

Wow, this is the weirdest thing in my professional career, and of course it happens in A Chorus Line! I'm blogging because, I have an uneasy energy inside of me. Please note, that I have bad Internet, in this hotel, but fought to find a place to write. Therefore this is very important in my eyes.

Yesterday, a cast member, comes up to me and says that someone in stage management, told him that if he asked me "to NOT take my personal day, so that he can have one". This is the first in my long career, that management was so unprofessional, and made me uncomfortable, by putting two cast members up against each other like that! WOW! I am appalled, and very upset, because what makes his personal day more important than mine? Is it because I'm just and understudy!? Why didn't management come to me, and not put another cast member in my face? So many questions, I can't even write how unprofessional this was!

Oh, this story isn't over, I was upstairs watching a movie in my dressing room, trying to relax. A stage manager comes into the room with his hands in his pocket. Puppy eyes, staring at me, and says "Two people want personal days, will you not take yours"! What????? Huh? But, I put my personal day in long ago, and first! Is someone in there families dying? NOPE, they want to go on an audition! WHAT? Where am I? What am I doing? Why do we have a union? Why do we have rules? Is this a non equity tour? Why again, is there audition more important than me and my day? If I had an audition would they ask someone to not take there personal day? I will answer this question...NO THEY WOULD NOT!!!!! Why do I feel under valued, and used? Why is this happening, when I have three weeks left?

OK OK you think I'm finished, but I'm not....... Then the stage manger says "I will put you on for Richie, and you can put the line back in, "And I Am Black"! Does this sound like a bribe?

Here is my answer! I am going on my personal day, and going to enjoy every second of it! I am going to do exactly all the things that I had planed, and spent my money to do! Do you like apples? Well, I do, and how about them apples!!!!!!

Rumors

What's the buzz, tell me what's a happening! What's the buzz.....zzzzzzzzzzzz! Rumors, Rumors, Rumors, now to put the rumors to rest! I have heard two rumors about me at the theater, from many people! Therefore, I'm going to come clean today, and tell the truth, nothing but the truth!

Did I write an email to my stage manager Ray Gin, and say" I ain't coming in"! ? Nothing more just that phrase, hmmmm, well, I don't quite remember, but I'm sure I said something like that! It was a short and sweet email, that I sent on a day I was calling out! You see, in Japan we got to email our call outs, and I think I did write that email. I'm sure , it also said, Love Always J.R. Whittington at the end! That rumor is true, Hey what else was a boy to say?

The second rumor I heard was that "I didn't want to go on for my covers anymore, and that I would call out, of every show, if I was put on from now until the end of the contract"! FALSE, if you know me, you know that I love money, and I want it all the time. I would never call out, of the show, for that reason! I think it all started when I was supposed to be on for Richie a couple of weeks ago, and I called out of the show! Most people thought, I wasn't really sick, and that I was calling out, cause I hate that role. True I don't like playing Richie, and it is not one of my favorites! I don't connect with him, at all, like I do my other covers. However, that is a challenge, that I love as an actor, to push yourself to become someone you are not! To find, that person deep in the depths of your soul! Yes I think his song is way too high, and male voices shouldn't be singing that high! Yes he does jump around the show, hookin, buckin, in a stereotypical African American way, that I hate. With all of that aside, I WOULD NOT CALL OUT FOR THAT REASON. I LOVE A CHALLENGE! I actually woke up that morning steamed, showered, did a vocal warm up, and the notes weren't coming out they way I wanted them to. I would prefer, to call out, if I can't give my performance 100%! Contrary to popular belief, I do love what I do, and I have lasted in this business, because I have a passion for my job! I may want to do another show, and be ready to go, but I don't comprise the gift that I have now! This isn't my FIFTH Big Production Equity Contract for no reason!

Well, I thought I would put the rumors to rest!

A Life of Style: Target & Macy's Retail Therapy

Hello Stylish Ones! How was your weekend? I hope it was time well spent. My weekend was a pretty low key affair with a bit of retail therapy to lift my spirits.

<--- (The boots that forced themselves into my life. left: Bandolino Burke & right: Merona Zandra Flannel Rain Boots)

As some of you know, I am addicted to Target. Everytime I go to Target, I walk out with way more than I intended to buy. This Saturday was no exception. I told myself I was only going in to pick up my prescription and leaving. Yeah right! As soon as I walked inside Target, I was assaulted by a sign "Mossimo Long Sleeve Crewneck Tees $7" Before I knew it I grabbed a cart and tossed in three of the tee shirts. So the Target magnetic pull began and I was leisurely strolling down aisle after aisle. I'm convinced that once I enter any Target store, an invisible magnetic force locks in on me and refuses to let go until I have walked every square inch of the store.

"My name is Kim and I'm a Target addict."

In addition to the tee shirts, I got new rainboots, tights, and some funky argyle socks. Totally forgot about picking up my prescription so I had to go back. Hilarious.

Now on to Macy's. I avoid Macy's at all costs. Marshall Fields was my store and I was heartbroken when Macy's took over the historic State Street Marshall Fields location. Yeah I should probably get over it but I won't and no one can make me. I was on my way home when I got a text from a friend informing me of a great sale on boots and shoes at Macy's. Shopaholic that I am, I met her there. A pair of Bandolino boots twice marked down caught my eye. How could I resist? In addition to the boots being marked down, the sales associate informed me of a 25% off coupon that I could purchase for $5 (the five bucks was going towards a charity to feed the hungry). How could I deny the hungry a meal? I took the bait and the boots.

Now back to job hunting... Toodles!

When Did I Become Grandpa

Last night, I decided, to go out dancing at the last second. I felt like I needed to move my body, and listen to some good beats! I get there, and the DJ was awesome! The music, I felt in my spirit, soul, and body! It was exactly what the doctor had ordered for the night! J.R, a dance floor, good music, sweat, and body moving, all my cares away! I'm a little shy in that category, at first, I know I dance in front of thousands of people a night! It takes a minute, to get up the courage to go up on a pedestrian dance floor, up close to strangers, and try and work it on out. However, once I get there, it is hard to sit me down. I don't go out dancing much, I'm more of a chill, glass of wine, listen to good music, conversation, and lounge kind of a guy!

I started to look around the dance floor, at all the faces in the room! BOOM it hit me like a fast flashing light to my brain cells! There I was, as I danced in slow motion, the OLDEST man on the dance floor! All of these kids looked 19, which is the legal age to drink in Canada! Just a bunch of babies, right out of high school, dancing around me! I felt older, older, older, and older! More insecure than usually, not that they danced better than me, they couldn't touch grandpa in the moves department! I pondered in my twisted head, are they looking at me like grandpa in the corner? Insecurity sunk in, and Grandpa J.R. left the dance floor! Went straight for the bar, and ordered a Vodka/Tonic, watched a while, moved my head a little. Then left the venue, wondering, when did I become so old?

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

As a child, I sang and practiced hard to sing like Teena Marie, Sade, and Whitney Houston! My audition song for the Rogers Junior School of the Performing Arts, was "The Greatest Love of All"! I stole every riff, and held every note, that Mrs. Houston had. But the question is, who did I idolize, inspire to be, Dream of there Career, Study Hard on Video and tape? Three gentlemen came to mind, Cab Calloway, Gregg Burge, and Sammy Davis Jr! These three men, gave me hope, and there old school ways of performing was an inspiration to me! Sammy had style, he could dress, he was cool, and hip! He had a presence about him, and style that no one could touch! Cab Calloway, was the Harlem renaissance man, performing at places like the cotton club! He scatted, he was also a cool kat, and I studied his every move! 20's jazz, Duke Ellington, to this day is my favorite music to sing, and wanna of the genres I sing best! Gregg Burge, danced his face off, and he was a triple threat! The Original Richie in the A Chorus Line Movie, and Sophisticated Ladies, was my all time favorite works of his! I still haven't seen a jazz dancer, that can jump, and turn like he did! Now I idolize someone different, a man who I respect, and I would love to work with! His name is Jeffrey Wright, and he is one of the most talented African American actors in the business. Denzel who? Is what you would say after seeing his work, on stage, and screen! Angels in America Movie, Shaft Movie, Martin Luther King HBO film, Ali, and many many more! Not to mention his amazing captivating work on the Broadway Stage.

RIP Sammy Davis Jr., Gregg Burge, and Cab Calloway

Question of today.... who is your inspiration, and why? Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Autumn is NOT her name

Remember the post, that I posted like 5 days ago about how I love Autumn, and it is my favorite time of the year. Well, I still love Autumn, and it makes me very happy! I just arrived in Ottawa Canada, and it looks like I'm skipping over Autumn, and going straight into winter. I'm in Canada for five weeks, and my iPhone tells me that it will be snowing, and getting colder as the days go by! AND when I finally get back to the states it will be winter! I will not see my favorite season, and I have to wait all the way until next year, to enjoy it! Ugh, and guess what? Winter is my least favorite season of all times, although I do love Christmas! Autumn is not her name, well, not for me!

The Temper

I know, I must seem like an angel, and the sweetest guy in the world! (NOT) I used to have a terrible temper, when I was young boy, and all through high school! I had to learn through out my years here on this planet to wheel it all in! It sometimes starts to flare, and I it takes everything in me, to keep it under control! I must admit It takes a whole lot for it to come out, but when it does, it is not a pretty thing.

Yesterday, I went out with some cast mates, and had a wonderful time! I think I was the only one that was sober, but I still had a great time. We ended up at White Castle, for food at 3 am, and was enjoying the end of our evening! A tall red head in our show, said "Goodbye", with a flirty smile, to a drunken group of guys sitting across from us. One of the guys just so happen to be a violent drunk. He began to challenge our table, with a whole bunch of, immature, I wanna fight you statements. I just stared at the stupid guy with a glare, that I'm sure, was penetrating right through him. It was my turn, and he choose to say to me, "You eyeing me bro, you got a problem"!? I had to breathe, in my head the room was spinning, my blood was racing, and I was ready to fight! It took one small comment for this rage, at the pit of my stomach, (that I had kept suppressed for most of my adult life) to boil to the top of my head. As he taunted my friends, I'm sure I looked crazy, because I was breathing, and telling myself to keep your mouth shut! It was the hardest exercise in my life! I was ready to start some crap up in the middle of the White Castle! I made it, and the man finally left, but I didn't keep my eyes off of him, for not even a second! It was night of realization for me. I found out that the ghetto boy, that has no fear, with a big mouth, is still somewhere deep inside of me! I pray, that no one ever pushes it to come out again! SCARY!

Nobel Peace Prize

If you don't know, and you are under a rock, like I have been for the past year! Our president of the United States on Friday won the Nobel Peace Prize! For being such a strong man, and his fight for NO nuclear weapons in this world! He also is recognized for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people! TAKE THAT FOX NEWS! Sorry I had to put that little rant in! Obama was nominated at the last minute against 200 other potentials, and WON! This blog entry is nothing, but to take the time out, and pay my respects to a man, that deserves all that is coming to him! Although, he has many BIG MOUNTAINS to climb! I can honestly say, for once, (Besides when Bill Clinton was in office) in my life, I am truly in love, and follow the "Big Man", in charge! It is a great feeling not to hate your president, and don't get me wrong, there are some issues of his I'm weary of! However, Our Nobel Peace Prize Winning President is amazing, and no one can take that away from him! I am Proud To Be An American! CONGRATS OBAMA!!!!

Autumn is Her Name!

Trees, Leaves Falling, My Birthday, Things Changing, Happiness, A Sweater, Cool Air, Long Walks!!!!!!
I love the fall, I truly feel like it is my favorite time of the year! The weather puts me in a great place, and makes me smile. The fashion, ugh the fashion, yipee, you don't get it, I LOVE the clothes in the fall! It reminds me of the first day back to school, after you went on a shopping spree with mom! Oh how I couldn't wait to debut certain outfits. I still feel the same, with my fall wardrobe. Oh and my T.V. shows are back on the air, I have my Steelers football game, Grey's Anatomy, Mad Men, and Ugly Betty. I personally go through a big change in the fall. I don't know if this is, because my birthday is coming?? I feel like my year starts in this season, not January 1, when most people celebrate it! Sometimes I feel like a little boy in the fall, and I want to jump in the leaves! I don't want to rake them, but I do want to jump in them. All the beautiful colors on the trees, and the crisp smell in the air! This season doesn't last as long as I want it to! The winter comes, and feels like it stays forever! Breathe, take it all in, and now enjoy my favorite season! Autumn is her name!

Dark Dark Evening!

The blinds are closed, lights are off, and the room is dark! Silence, nothing turned on, not the t.v., no music, and no computer! I lay there snuggled in that big bed in this hotel room! Trying to find a way to not be so non-emotional! Find a way out of not feeling anything at all! Laying still in the darkness, didn't pray (you know I should have) but in a very dark place! My mind races, and thinks even darker thoughts! Which lead me to my hormones racing, and taking me places I don't wanna go! I stop! I breathe, and move on from that dirty little thought! I get up, I turn on the computer, searching, for something to make me jump out of this dark mood! NOTHING! Still tons of darkness all around me! I hop back into the bed, and toss and turn for a couple hours! Sometimes staring at the ceiling, and thinking hard! Brain, and head racing, hoping the finish line is somewhere near me! Finally I fall deep a sleep!

It all begins with me being held hostage, and a bio chemical weapon pressed to my chest! I'm tough, and not screaming, not showing no fear. The world is going to end, and I'm the one, who can save it all! I'm sweating, deep in thought, I need to find away to escape these people! I kick a man in his face, the weapon falls, and suddenly I'm an amazing fighter! I'm kicking, punching, turning, as if I'm some superhero! I grab the weapon and run as fast as I can. Running, running, running, until I don't see any city any more, and the bomb disappears! I'm now in a jungle all alone, itchy, hot, thirsty, and tired! I go searching for water, and feeling overwhelmed with this whole dream. How the heck did I get here? What is going on? Is this reality? Out comes a wolf, and now things get interesting! Cause instead of running I'm fighting again, and man I am strong! Fighting for my life, and I win!!!! Nothing else happens, I wake up, the nightmare has ended, and I'm there, sitting, in my dark hotel room again!

I wake up and walk around the room, stressed, and not feeling relaxed at all! Still in the darkness, and begin to think about things I shouldn't! All the bad things I have ever done in my life! All the bad things I have ever said to people I love! Everything that was twisted, and evil, that I could have ever been apart of, comes racing to my head! A song comes to my mind! "We Fall Down, But We Get Up, We Fall Down, But We Get Up, We Fall Down, But We Get Up, For A Saint Is Just A Sinner Who Fell Down, And Got Up! I sing it a little bit to myself. Finally, it happens-- the cry, that was trapped somewhere inside of me, and wouldn't come out! Rolled down my face with fury, and things got brighter! The lights came on, and now today I am ready to begin!

It Is Officially Over

Last week in Charlotte NC, the last posting for our flights back to New York City, for the tour of A Chorus Line, was up on the board! It was exciting, and thrilling to see. It was plastered up there in my face, and I stared for awhile looking as if it wasn't real. This show for me is ending, and IT IS REAL! Unemployment, here I come, and faster than we know it! As I said in many previous posts, it is time for me to leave! Today, the official phone call "The Offer", came in, to ask me to renew my contract with A Chorus Line on a tier! I said "thanks, but no thanks"! As of today, Monday October 5, I am official finished with the A Chorus Line tour, on November 15! WOW!!!!!!!

The Apple Made His Debut!

Tonight, as we were standing in the wings, One of the female understudies, was chowing down on a big red apple! She was just dancing to herself Stage Left in the wing, and her apple slipped out of her hand, and rolled onto the stage! The big red bitten apple stayed there, in the mirror upstage left, while the cast was trying to sing and dance through the "Ones"! He made his big debut, to a sold out audience in Charlotte NC! He was a star for a brief moment, until, a cast member kicked Mr. Apple back into the wings!

Big Crazy Susie

Last night coming home, in a taxi, the driver had his girlfriend in the front seat of the car! She entertained me the whole ride home, she said "My name is Crazy Susie, and I was born here in North Carolina"! She was very friendly, loud, opinionated, and you can tell she loved to eat! She sat up in that seat with her shoes off, just as ghetto fabulous as you can get! Yelling about North Carolina, and questioning New York City! Dreaming of moving away from the south, and laughing at everything in site! It was interesting how free she was to talk about her life! I really was entertained by her in the cab! Her big loud southern drawl, braids in her hair, and feet on the dashboard! I was enlightened by this lady, and her dreams. I loved that she dreamed big, and how she wanted the moon and the stars! It reminded me of myself, and all my dreams, that sit in the pit of my stomach! I hope Crazy Susie gets out of Charlotte, and everything she spoke of in the car that night, will become a reality! Lots of people speak about doing something big, but never follow through! I rode home listening to Susie, and dreaming big in my head! I know what I have to do, and I pray that she figures out her needs! I wish more cab rides home, had a crazy Susie in them! It was a fun way to get home, to dream the impossible, to laugh at the sites, to feel compassion for someone else, to learn about Charlotte, and to arrive at your destination, almost feeling a new!