I'M MORE COMPETITIVE AND INSECURE THAN I THOUGHT!

I never pride myself on being a competitive male, in this business. My motto was there is a gig for everyone, and I will get the gig I'm supposed to have. I guess, this was a sign of someone who is secure in his talent, and works all the time. I have been blessed to continuously work, as an actor. Yesterday, my favorite deadly sin, that I have wrote about before, came up, very unexpectedly ENVY!

A dear friend who I love got his BWay Debut last night. He will be an understudy "In The Heights". I think he is so talented, and a nice young man. If you asked me to say this yesterday, when I found out, it wouldn't have happened. It has been years, since I felt like this. I was a bitch, and not happy for him. I felt this competitive energy in me. This envious, thing growing in my stomach. Who am I to be envious, I have had the most amazing career ever! I have been on Broadway, Soaps, and Movies. Why did I feel this way? Why was I hating like a girl, sorry girls, you are usually haters. LOL... I didn't recognize myself and this emotion. Why now, when I'm Blank Blank years old??? Hmmm, very interesting...

I had to shut up, get quiet, and go to the person I knew would bring me home. GOD, I prayed, in a silent place, and all the answer came flooding toward me. Be happy for your friend, who is young, talented, nice, and deserving. All those feelings rushed out of me, and I became a new person, when I just talked to GOD! I love that I am man enough to admit my insecurities, and to feel things, cause I'm human. I realized why, it hit me so hard. I haven't told many people this, but I have had many call backs for In The Heights, but for a totally different track. I think the frustration of going in so many times, and not getting the gig, rushed into my head! Whew, so I'm back to J.R., and the green monster (ENVY) is gone. Thank GOD cause I didn't like that feeling at all. I am a human being, and I just grew as a person. When I thought at my age, I had experienced it all!