Why "We" Are So Angry/African American Rage

A young African American boy around the age of 14 moves into a new neighborhood. The neighborhood, is separated by a street from the African American Middle Class, to the Caucasian Middle Class, the name of the street in Pittsburgh is McNary Boulevard. The boy lived right smack in the middle, if he walked down the street to the right, he was in a beautiful suburban mostly Caucasian neighborhood. If he walked to the left, he was in a neighborhood, where African Americans had a pretty big house, but it was in the hood. Same street, but two different areas, The Caucasian area of the street was called Blackridge, and the African American area was called Wilkinsburg!

The boy takes a late walk around 2am in the morning, on his own street, on the Caucasian side of the street. The police drive by, stop there car, pull up, and stop the young man. "What are you doing here", the officer yells. The boy says "Oh just taking a walk, I can't sleep"! The cops come out the car, and yells, "Let me see some identification". "sure", the boy says nicely! The officer looks at the I.D. with the boys address on it, which so happens to be the same street that he is walking on. The officer pushes the boy against his car, and searches him. The young boy is scared, furious, and upset! The cop says abruptly, " You shouldn't walk around the streets this late at night, people think you are up to something"! The boy says "But I only live a block away, you can see my house from here"! The officer tells the boy to go home, and don't take a walk on his own street at 2am!

Therefore, when the same basic thing happens in the year 2009 to a Harvard Professor, Henry Louis Gates, I can understand his fury! The officer claims he was reported a intruder was in the neighborhood. Mr. Gates shows the man his I.D., with his address clearly stating that he lives there. Mr. Gates was booked and arrested. The officer claims, He was loud, rowdy and cursing at him. Well wouldn't you? When this has been happening for years in your life. For doing nothing wrong, at some point you just can't take it anymore. I think if this situation happened to me again, I would be rowdy, upset, and causing a stink. The ironic thing is that he is a Harvard professor, with so much power, intellect, and respectability within his community. I'm a little furious just writing this blog. IF you can't understand why "WE" as African Americans are so angry at times. Here is the reason.....

OLD NICE MAN..WELL..MAYBE NOT NICE..OLD DIRTY MAN!

I have been going to the gym in Pittsburgh, trying to stay in shape, while off from the show. I would see an older gentleman, working out all week. Every time, I'm in the gym, he tells me to "keep up the good work kiddo", I smile and laugh. Well, today he actually attempted to have a real conversation with me. He introduces himself, and asks if I'm new to the club. I tell him I was just visiting, and that my family lives here...... Anyway, he tells me how he was a body builder and world champion when he was younger. You can tell his body looked amazing for his age. Oh his age he says "you know I'm 73 years old". I'm in shock, he looks absolutely amazing! I was thinking how nice this old man is, and how great to see him still working out at his age. Then, the shocking part of the conversation comes in, he randomly admits to me that he was also a porn star and a stripper. That he was pretty well known, and made tons of money. It isn't over, he proceeds to tell me that he fell off the pole while stripping, and slammed down hard while in the air unto his balls, and that is why he retired. In the same breathe I believe he gave me some good work out pointers. This kind of stuff, I believe only happens to me. I went back to my workout laughing in my head. The sweet old man is a pervert. Only in my world, just J.R.!!!!!

Women Can Do It Too

I'm driving in Pittsburgh, home from the gym, and there was a sign saying road work ahead. I think to myself "Oh Crap, I hate traffic". I'm just driving, radio blasting, and look out my window at the construction workers. Wait, hold up, what the heck, is that a girl? Yes it was, a female construction worker. Sweating in her hard hat, wife beater, Orange little construction jacket, timberland boots, just drilling holes in the ground. With this big old drill, that probably weighs as much as her. I couldn't believe my eyes, I just never in my life seen a women in that field, and probably "working" better than the men. Construction has to be a male dominate field. I wonder, how much fighting she had to do, to get this position. I loved watching her, she was doing construction things, LOL, I don't know what they do. She did it like it was nothing, in Pittsburgh of all places. Wow, it is definitely 2009, cause you would never see that in the past. Women, good for you, for progressing so much in the United States.

WE ARE NOT SAFE, IN OUR OWN HOMES!

MY FRIEND Pizza, AND PARTNER THERESA BUTZ! WERE ASLEEP IN THERE BED AT HOME AND WAS ATTACKED, BY AN INTRUDER. Pizza, AND I WENT TO THE BOSTON CONSERVATORY TOGETHER, AND HER PARTNER, OF YEARS THERESA IS THE SISTER OF TONY NOMINEE NORBERT LEO BUTZ! NORBERT WAS IN SEATTLE REHEARSING "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN" THE MUSICAL! THE MUSICAL HAS DELAYED IT'S OPENING DUE TO THIS TRAGEDY! Pizza AND THERESA WERE JUST PLANNING THERE MARRIAGE CEREMONY TO ONE ANOTHER. Pizza GOT STABBED BY THE STRANGER, AND THERESA WAS STABBED TO DEATH, WHILE HOLDING THE INTRUDER DOWN, AND FIGHTING, SO HER SOON TO BE WIFE, COULD ESCAPE OUT THE BACK DOOR. PRAISE GOD THAT MY FRIEND Pizza SURVIVED, BUT THIS HAS TO BE A TOUGH TIME FOR HER. I HAVE NO WORDS TO EXPRESS, HOW SCARY THIS IS, AND HOW UPSET I AM BY THIS WHOLE SITUATION. MY PRAYERS STRONGLY GO OUT TO Pizza! THE BUTZ FAMILY IS IN MY DEEP PRAYERS AS WELL. THERESA DIED A HERO, AND IS GONE WAY TOO SOON! THIS YEAR SO FAR, HAS BEEN ABOUT DEATHS FOR ME, AND I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE HEARING ANOTHER ONE SO CLOSE TO MY LIFE! I PRAY! I PRAY! I PRAY! I PRAY!

RIP THERESA BUTZ!

FAMILY! HOME IN "THE BURGH"!

It is a blessing to be on the national tour of A Chorus Line. I have never made it home to Pittsburgh so many times in one year. I'm usually so busy with life and work that I can never make it home. This tour has brought me back home to "The Burgh" on so many occasions. It is nice to have time off, and lay on my mom's couch. To see my nieces smiling faces every morning. Until they annoy the heck out of me with the noise. To make my little sister smile, when she comes home from a long day of work, is awesome. Seeing that she is so moody, and I never see her smile. To have my moms fried chicken, mmmmmm it is so so so good! I ate so much, my tummy hurts a little. Just to be in the presence, of the women who has given me so much in life. My mother is amazing, and sacrificed everything so I can be the man I am today. Last but not least, to be in the arms of Brewster my dog. He is staying here while I'm on tour. This makes me the happiest, I miss my partner in crime so much. My mom thinks she is keeping him, but that ain't going to happen, he is coming home with his dad Nov. 15 when the tour ends. LOL Oh how could I forget, my little brother, who is taller than me now, he tries to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend... But I find out, and embarrass him all day long. I also like to watch him play video games, and educate him a little on life. It is good to be home, next week heading to the city that never sleeps! NYC, and then off to Tokyo Japan with the tour. Life is good right now! And I'm thrilled, and excited about the weeks ahead!

PHLEGM ON THE CHORDS

Yesterday afternoon, I was standing "ON THE LINE", as Richie Walters, living in the moment. Feeling so great and confident, because I had been on most of the week, due to Anthony's vacation. I opened my mouth to sing, wanting this glorious sound to come out. NOPE WRONG, OUT COMES ROD STEWART. Just a huge ball of PHLEGM on my vocal chords. Panicking in my head, trying so hard to sing thru it. It wont go away,UGH, just seven voices at once, coming out my mouth. All I wanted to do is clear my throat real loud in the middle of the song. Nope, couldn't do that, had to be a pro, and keep going. Lawd, I sound hideous, just a ball of Phlegm, rolling around, staying right there. OH NO HERE COMES A HIGH NOTE. How am I going to get past this? Is it going to come out? Scared, sweat pouring down my cheek. "This is going to be a mess", I think to myself. I take a deep breathe, and WOW, I did it, the high note was the best part and the clearest part of the whole song. PHLEGM is the enemy, and I pray it will never happen to me again, onstage in front of 1700 people.

A Saved Life

A little boy grows up in the hood of Pittsburgh. He is already a little different than most, his mom tells him to "Stop talking like that", and the boy goes "like what"? and she just smiles. The boy sings around the house and is obsessed with Whitney Houston. He likes to dress up, dress pants, shirts, ties, and dress shoes. He likes to have his hair perfect. He is just an odd boy. He can imagine and play by himself for hours. He is mixed looking, but only considers himself black. He talks very proper, but has a slight Pittsburgh ghetto swank that comes out once in a while. A confident fellow on the outside, so so insecure on the inside. This boy only wants to be "the best" , and fit in, a perfectionist. Fighting to be a star,and be told he is the best at everything he does. This boy will not rest until he is on top. He has no life at all. He goes to school during the day, has rehearsals after school, and then drives 20 minutes to downtown Pittsburgh to take acting class, dance class, and voice lessons. Five days a week, no real life at all, just always school, and extra curricular classes. AGAIN, he wants to be THE BEST! The boy realizes he has so many flaws, and that the best doesn't really exist! Scared, Insecure, but yet confident on the outside shell. A temper, like no tomorrow, will cuss you out in a second, and doesn't know how to stop it! Say one thing that this boy doesn't like and he will snap your head off.

This boy is scared of other African American boys, because, almost every time he would walk home, he would have to hide behind trees,and cars for hours. Cause his fellow peers would jump him, and kick his little light skinned ass. For what reason he wondered, "I have never done anything to them"? Scared, terrified to be around young men his own race! Associated them as the enemy! This boy was jumped like a good 12 times, and none of them were man enough to fight the boy one on one. His outside shell, and temper grew stronger and stronger.

This boy had a step father that he loved so much! Even though he forced him to play sports like basketball, that he never wanted to do. His step father had a temper, and was the only male figure he had in sight. His father, beat him up just like the boys on the street from time to time. He still loves his step father, and continued to look up to him. Cause when the times were good they were amazing!

This boy was spoiled to death, by his grandma and mother. He had everything he ever wanted, that is why he assumed he was rich, even though looking back the boy was poor as dirt. He always had cash, and treated his friends to fine things. When he was 15 he had a car, and everything was always taken care of for him. When he went to college this boy didn't even know how to do his laundry, or cook anything at all. He had to grow up and learn fast.

This boy went to church every Sunday, and prayed to the lord as much as he could. Although no one in his family went to church, He prayed that they would someday find Jesus. His mom said " I just pray at home, those people are hypocrites". "I can't sit in a church with people that go out drinking,smoke weed and are crazy, then go to church claiming they love the lord". The boy tried to convince his mom not to judge others, but she never listened. However she would show up on Sunday mornings when the boy was singing at the church. She always supported the boy if he had a show. Even if it meant getting up early in the morning to hear him sing.

The boy has done some bad things in his life, once in a while, but has always tried to pray and repent. He always grew from all the mistakes he has ever made, and changed it immediately.

The boy struggles with panic attacks, because of things that happened in his past. In his early childhood, some dark things took place, that he can't quite remember, but knows he has a scar from it for life.

The boy is no longer a boy anymore, but a man. A pretty successful performer at that! His temper still flairs at times, he is still considered different, because he enjoys being alone alot of the time. He marches to his own off beat! Does what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. He dreams big, and people look at him like "yeah right"? He takes crazy risks, in life, that are scary to most. He is focused, and still has many demons to fight and battle! He still has so much bottled up, and so much to say to the world. Oh he will do it, cause the man refuses to leave this earth until it is said and done!

Statistics state that the man should be in jail, selling drugs, or dead! The man has beat all the statistics, and prays that more young men in the hood can get out too.

Twisted Head

The eyes lay closed, and my mind moves around in space, blackness, and whoa there's a picture perfect moment! Wow, do I look amazing, and my body is exactly where I want it to be. I am at my full potential of how I want to look physically! I have a couple of friends, there, and they look amazing as well. The colors are sharp and bright. Although, the place is not like any other place I have ever been before. My mom is there, but tragedy is about to take place. Sadness wells up inside of me. I watch her get hit hard, from a man that I don't recognize. I can't get to her! I'm screaming, and yelling, but no one is listening! My friends grab me, and hold me back. Next thing you know I'm in a jacket, my arms tied behind my back. What the hell is going on? I close my eyes, and everything bad that I have ever done in my past races by my face. I can see each thing clearer and clearer, as it starts from a distance, and races past my eyes. I fall to my knees, I pray, "GOD FORGIVE ME FOR ALL THOSE SINS"! "OH GOD, I AM ONLY HUMAN"! Lastly I can't breathe, it felt, like I was in a big sauna, trapped, and can't get out. I push my chest up, and up and up and up. There I go flying away from all the pain. So many colors all around me, happiness is starting to form, I can see the rainbow. I fly right past it, and see a big wall. I'm getting closer to this wall, and I can't stop. Then when I'm two seconds from hitting the wall, I wake. It was a dream! It was all only a dream!

SUMMERTIME MUSTS!

OK OK OK, it is summertime, and it is time to lay by the pool, and go to the beach! To wear nice light clothes, and to enjoy life! To feel that sun, beat down on your face, and just to let all the gloom out of your system. This summer for me, has been great, and I plan on it only getting better.

Music Music Music, you always associate music with the summer time! Right now, the music I'm feeling and a must have for the summertime is Lady Ga Ga! OK, she is a crazy girl, with a high marketing scheme! Her music is fun, and you can dance your face off to her in the club! And she can actually sing, for a crazy white girl, with no clothes on, and blue hair. The must have of the summer is Maxwells new album. If you want to get back to real soul music, and chill out on the porch, with your drink in hand. Maxwell is the way to go! This album is amazing, and takes me back to my roots. Now, OK, last but definitely not least is my Black Eyed Peas album. This is my all time favorite album of the summer! First of all, no one has there sound, and the music all sounds different but yet is still so cohesive. This album has gotten me thru many a gym workout this summer. The beats, Uh, the beats are bumpin! The music talks to me, and most of the time has an amazing message! Go buy this album!

Now for T.V. for me after a hot day, I want to sit in my house or hotel, with the air on and watch some good T.V. I have two shows in mind, True Blood on HBO! This campy show, with probably some of the best African American Unknown Actors, I have ever seen in my life. Is an amazing show, with a thrill, that will keep you at the edge of your seat, and wondering what happens next! This show is the one, and if you haven't seen the first season run to see it now! OK, for reality t.v. I must say I love "Run's House", it is today's Cosby Show, dealing with real issues. This family has it together, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Don't get me wrong they make mistakes and are human. They learn and grow from it everyday. There is a tender heart to this series, and not to mention lots of love and humor. You would probably think, did he just say Run's House!?! Yes I did, and if you haven't seen it, shame on you. This show is amazing, and you would be hooked too. So much love and passion, and model family to use, if you want some great parenting tips.

OK BLOG WORLD, ENJOY YOUR SUMMER, I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED ON MINE! SUMMERTIME BABY! YES!!!!!!!!

BLUE MESH AINT FOR EVERYBODY!!!!

I'm back to work after a week off in Vegas, living life, and eating tons of sweets, and scarfing down food from my favorite restaurants. I worked out a little when I was in Vegas! Not as hard as I should have, but I did go to the LVAC (the gym)!! Well, last night, I had to put my blue mesh shirt back on! Cause the evil costume designer, of A Chorus Line, picked my track that I do every night to wear a Freaking Blue Mesh Shirt! This shirt is not forgiving, ex specially after a week off! All the swings, hate when I'm on for a principal or if I call in sick, because they have to wear that stupid shirt. I was searching for pics of me in the blue mesh, but every pic, I'm hiding behind someone, cause I hate it! One of the swings got permission to wear a tank top underneath it! But NO I can't wear a tank, I have to go out there with my nipples to the wind. I wouldn't be complaining, if I didn't just get back from vacation. I was at peace with the mesh for a while, now I'm back to square one. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel when I arrive in Tokyo, after having three weeks off of work, before we go! I'm just ranting to say that Blue Mesh Ain't For Everybody!

Frustrated Friend

I have some amazing friends, with great personalities! I love them to pieces, but sometimes, they make some foolish decisions. Not all of them, but I have a couple that stick out like a sore thumb. Who am I to judge them???? That is what I'm there for to be supportive and listen to there problems. I try so hard to do that, and be a lending ear. I'm sure I make dumb mistakes, but I would want my friends to tell me. I usually have a great head on my shoulders, and can figure out wrong from right! What do you do when your friend makes a crazy stupid, immature mistake? But they don't really view it as a mistake. You know why they do what they do? To fill some sort of void in there life, but they are playing with fire! How do you stay friends with someone you love, and they start acting crazy?. I wish I wasn't such a good friend, or I would post what happened for the world to see. Well, I have to keep it to myself. Just bad decision making,(that is all I will say) and I try not to get emotionally involved. At the end of the day it is there life. They don't want to listen to me, because they know what they are doing to there life is so wrong! Do I just sit and listen? What if I'm so sick of it, that I don't wanna listen anymore? Sorry for the vague and weird blog entry. I'm just so frustrated!!!! This has happen to me before in the past, and I told them how I felt, and lost them. Don't want that to happen again. I can't support them, so do I just keep quiet? Or do I let them go down the wrong path? So frustrated these days, with a friend... I guess all I can do is pray for the light to shine??? URGH FRUSTRATED!!!!!

LEAVING LAS VEGAS

Today is my last night in Vegas, and I will be joining the tour back up in Dallas Texas! I'm very sad to be leaving Las Vegas. I forgot how many relationships I have cultivated over the years living here. I still have many close friends that I will miss dearly. It is so nice to be back in a place that I will now and forever call one of my homes. Being an actor, there are way to many places I call home. Las Vegas, is one home, that I will miss dearly. It is hard to be an actor in Vegas, though, can't move forward with the career, cause, there isn't much here. Unless you are content with singing in a lounge, or being in a production shows. I have so many more dreams to accomplish. Although I do enjoy the lifestyle!!!!

This week I saw The Lion King Las Vegas Company, and had many friends in the production. It was a great production of the show, and gave me chills. They had an amazing Rafiki, and every time she sang, my body would shiver in excitement, from her thrilling voice. I still dream of playing Simba one day! My friend Clifton Oliver played the part here, and he was amazing! Also, my best friend Monique Midgette, who I stayed with here, is in the show. One of the most talented singers I know. It was great to hang out with her for a week. To also see some of my Mamma Mia friends who still live here. Three years with those people, has formed a bond, that no one can take away. It was so great to catch up and be in there presence again. I will truly miss them, but I will see them all again, and knowing this business I will probably work with some of them in the near future. I also got to enjoy The Michael Buble, concert at the MGM! He is such a fantastic entertainer, and so clever, and funny. I enjoyed him, and his amazing band. I saw the Las Vegas Company of Jersey Boys as well. Not my favorite company definitely was better in Chicago and New York City. As I said before I got to hear some friends play in "The Santa Fe", band, and that is always amazing! They have a horn section, and some male vocalist that are a dream. Go see them if you are ever in town. They are a real treat! So many things to do, as so many new memories made here in Vegas. I will miss it all! Now off to journey to my new future, and close this Vegas chapter once and for all. Who knows what the future holds for me. Right now I have a job on tour with A Chorus Line, then New York City here I come November 15. See ya Vegas for now, until next time.

Blame It On The Alcohol

Last night, I went out, with the intentions of getting drunk with friends! When did that become my idea of having fun? Drinking really hard, the room spinning, eyes squinting, your loud, your dancing, your falling, your slurring, and that is my idea of having a great time? I remember the days when I had one cocktail, and it relaxed me, and I was just high on life! Not to mention the day after--hangover day-- is always the worse day of my life. I spent the whole next day searching for greasy foods, drinking tons of water, and feeling nauseous, having a massive headache, and just not feeling right. MISERABLE!!!!!

I had a grandmother, who I loved and adored more than anything! A wonderful lady, who cooked the best foods ever! Who spoiled me rotten, and made me feel like a king! Who encouraged me to do what I wanted, and never take "no" for an answer. Who all my friends called granny. The only problem is she was a raging alcoholic. I watched her transform into someone, you hated. I watched her bring embarrassment and pain to my family many a drunken night. How could this wonderful lady who everyone loved, including me be so wonderful sober??! And a totally different person drunk. Did I not learn from this? Oh I think I'm cool, and in control when I'm drunk! I'm fun, and the life of the party? NOT!

I'm writing this blog entry, to let you know my drinking (even though I don't do it that much), is over. A glass of wine at dinner, is the most I will do. This is in honor of me, and my grandmother!!! Drinking until I'm drunk is no fun, and I don't like who I become. "High on life", is my new motto. I also can't put my self through another hangover day like that again. It is so not worth it! I think the peer pressure of drinking will be hard for me at first. I know I can say NO, cause I'm not a follower and a strong person. I'm sorry Jamie Foxx, I can't blame it on the alcohol anymore!!!! My actions, are going to be blamed on me!!!



RIP Ellen Jane Finch/Whittington!!!! GRANNY!!!!!